The Cause
by LadyofDodge
Summary: "Matt, I'm the one who killed Tucker Ferrin." He nodded slightly. "I figured as much. You going to tell me why?" She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his chest. Turning her head to the side, she answered, "It's a long story, Matt—and it's not a very pretty one." An ATC for "MIss Kitty."


**The Cause**

ATC for "Miss Kitty"

**A dark night, somewhere on the Kansas prairie:**

"_There's a woman in Dodge I sure wouldn't mind seein' again. She ain't no ordinary woman. Kitty's got red hair and eyes that could laugh. She's full of fire." _

"_And she's just crazy mad for you, ain't she, Tucker?"_

"_Maybe that's what I like best about her, Charlie. Kitty don't care for me at all. No, sir. I expect she downright hates me. She's got cause, Charlie. She's got cause."_

_(from "Miss Kitty," written by Kathleen Hite, season 7, air date October 14, 1961)_

**xxxxxxx**

**A few nights later, Dodge City:**

Kitty pulled the quilt tight around Thad Ferrin's shoulders. She grimaced as she thought about the burden those slight shoulders would forever bear. Closing the door quietly behind her, she moved into the sitting room to find Matt relaxing on the settee, boots off, his incredibly long legs stretched in front of him.

"He all right?"

"Sound asleep right now, but...well, I just don't know. He's so young, and there's so much I need to tell him. I think he needs to hear the truth from me before he hears rumors from every gunslinger, drifter and outlaw who comes into town. Now that Tucker Ferrin's dead, there's bound to be talk. Thad needs to know what a wonderful person his mother was. He needs to know how much she loved him and why she always kept him from his father. And he needs to know why I did what I did today."

"Why does this boy matter so much to you, Kitty?"

"Because his mother was my best friend. You remember Ellie Cropper? She worked for me about four years ago?" At his nod she continued. "She's Thad's mother. When she came to Dodge, Thad stayed in Wichita with friends of hers. She never talked about him in public, just in case one of Ferrin's men was within hearing distance. That's why you didn't know anything about him until this afternoon. But I helped to take care of him when he was a baby, and Ellie and I always went to visit him when we went on shopping trips together. Thad's almost like my own child."

With those words, Kitty turned and let her brilliant sapphire eyes gaze directly into Matt's. "But he isn't mine, Matt. I know that's what you're wondering, same as Horace and Mattie were. Not that I wouldn't be proud to have him for my son, but I'm just his Aunt Kitty. Honest."

Matt pushed himself up from the settee. "I believe you, Kitty, but you know there are a lot of others who are going to wonder—and talk. Especially if he stays here in Dodge. Just what are you planning to do with him, by the way?"

"I'm not sure. I arranged for him to stay with the Kelchers, but maybe that's not such a good idea after what happened out there today. It's a little late to start being concerned about what people think of me, but I'd like to protect Thad from all the gossip. He's upset and confused enough right now." She placed her hand on his sleeve. "Matt, I'm the one who killed his father. I killed Tucker Ferrin."

He nodded slightly. "I figured as much. You going to tell me why?"

A shadow of uncertainty crossed her face. "Oh, Matt." She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his chest. Turning her head to the side, she answered, "I'm not sure. It's a long story, Matt—and it's not a very pretty one."

He held her close, his breath stirring her red curls as he spoke. "I'm not going to force you, Kitty. You know that. You don't have to tell me anything you want to keep private. I respect that." He tipped her chin up so she could see his face. "On the other hand, if the burden of keeping your secret gets too heavy for you, I'm here, Kitty, I'm right here."

She eased out of his arms and walked to the table on the other side of the room. Taking two glasses, she poured a generous amount of whiskey into each, handed one to Matt and walked back toward the settee.

"I was doing all right until I saw Thad again. Then everything started coming back." She paused, shivering at some long-suppressed memory. "Let's sit down, Matt. I think maybe I _do_ want to talk."

He took a swallow of his drink and did as instructed, his hooded eyes never leaving her strained face.

Kitty, too, swallowed some of the amber liquid and sat down next to him. "Matt, for a good many years now, you and I have been not only lovers, but also the very best of friends. I've told you everything and anything about myself...things I've never told anyone before in my life. And you've never judged me, never made me feel inferior because of…well, because of my past."

"Kitty, I would never jud..."

"I know you wouldn't, Matt, and that's why I want to tell you this. It's just that it's so hard and it...it hurts so much. Even now."

"You don't have to do this, Kitty. It's all right. I don't need to know every single thing about you."

She shook her head. "No. I can do this. I think I _need_ to. Just, please, let me tell it my way."

Once again he nodded and smiled gently. "Go on, Kitty."

"Like I told you, Ellie was my best friend. We met in New Orleans when we were hardly more than kids. She had already fallen hard for Tucker Ferrin, and he was the father of the child she was carrying. He was a horrible person, even back then, but she thought she loved him, and he said he loved her. His idea of love was to beat her senseless and make her do whatever he said, whatever he wanted. Then he'd say he was sorry and swear that it would never happen again." She snorted. "Yeah, like he ever kept that promise. But, Ellie had a husband, and her child would have a name—for whatever that was worth. I guess the good news was that he was away most of the time—stealing, running from the law. So Ellie and I kind of looked out for each other."

She took another swallow of whiskey and went on. "Of course, Tucker would always turn up again, and the beatings continued for years. She'd move to a new town, and she'd be safe for a while. That's how she came to be in Dodge, but he found her here, too. When he ran out on her that time, she swore it was over, that she was through with him, but then he sent for her—he was in Durango—and she went back to him. And the beatings started again until, finally, the last one killed her." She paused and stared into her glass, remembering.

"Kitty, I have to ask this—did Ferrin ever hurt _you_? Ever touch you?"

She shook her head. "No. Never. Well, not until today. Oh, he wanted to. I could tell. But, you know, I think he was half afraid of me. You see, I wasn't in love with him. He wasn't the father of my child. He had nothing to hold over me. I saw him for what he really was, and he didn't like that—not one bit."

She took a deep, bracing breath and continued, her gaze still focused on the crystal tumbler in her hands. "There's more, Matt, and this is the hard part. I told you that Thad isn't my son, and that's the absolute truth. I'm not Thad's mother. I'm not anyone's mother. My child died when she was two days old."

He didn't say a word, but she felt warm, comforting fingers wrap around her icy ones. She continued as if she didn't notice his gentle gesture. "I was pregnant at the same time Ellie was. It was exciting and fun—at first. We were going to be young mothers, and our babies would be just a couple months apart. We both were working at a gambling parlor, and things were going well for us. Then Tucker came back and beat her half to death. Thad was just three weeks old." She paused, her face contorting with the memory. "Tucker stole our money, Ellie's and mine, too, and then he left again. She was too badly hurt to work for the longest time, and I was getting too big with the baby to continue working. So we had no money—none. Without money we couldn't pay the rent or buy food, and without anything to eat and no place to live, I got sick, and I just kept getting sicker. And I know now that the baby wasn't getting the nutrition she needed, either." The last words came out on a choked sob.

"Shhh...you don't have to tell me anymore, Kitty." He gathered her into his arms, his hands stroking her back, his lips moving against her temple.

She nestled into his embrace. "Yes, I do, Matt. I want you to know the whole truth. I tried to earn money for us, but no place would hire me because I was so obviously pregnant. I would have done anything to make a few dollars, even…." She shuddered, then straightened her spine and continued. "When Ellie got better, she tried to earn enough money for both of us, but she couldn't always do it, and we took to stealing bread from the bakery on St. Peter Street. If we stole food, we could save what little she was earning for a real meal or a room every once in a while—but most of the time we lived—if you could call it that—in abandoned buildings. If we were lucky, one of our friends would put us up for a night or two, but for the most part we were always on the move—running and starving." She lifted a tear-streaked face to his.

He wiped her face with his bandana and held his glass to her lips. "Drink."

She swallowed obediently and then continued her story. "One night in the middle of a torrential thunderstorm I went into labor. It was the most horrible, excruciating pain I'd ever felt in my life. I lay there praying for death. It would have felt so..." She stopped, her throat closing as the horror of that night swept over her again.

She felt Matt's arms tighten around her, and for a moment she wanted to give in to his warmth and strength. Then she pushed herself away from the sanctuary of his broad chest. She'd started this story of her past, and she had to finish it tonight. For both of them.

Resolutely she finished the rest of the whiskey and continued. "…good to die and not feel that pain anymore."

"Kitty..."

"Needless to say, I didn't have a doctor, but a man carried me to the charity hospital. The pain lasted all night. I thought it was never going to end. And then, in the morning the pain finally went away, and I had given birth to a tiny, pathetically underweight baby girl. I was a mother. I was seventeen years old, and I had a baby to care for. Problem was, I couldn't. I had no milk. I couldn't feed her, and I had no money to hire a wet nurse. The sisters at the hospital tried to help her, but she was too tiny to drink from a bottle, and her lungs weren't fully developed...she couldn't breathe right, either." She dropped her head back against his chest and took several shaky breaths. "I tried. I tried so hard, Matt, honest I did, but...I just couldn't... She was…I named her Eleanor Rose. Eleanor for Ellie and Rose after my mother. My daughter. She fought for two days, but she just…she just couldn't hang on."

She sat up, and once again her honest, tear-filled blue eyes looked directly into the lawman's. "That's why I killed Tucker Ferrin. Oh, I suppose, technically, you might call it self-defense. He slapped me around out at the farm this morning, and he threatened to kill me, but that's not why I shot him. And not because he was a wanted outlaw, and _certainly_ not for any reward money. My reasons for pulling that trigger were purely personal. He killed my best friend—and he killed my baby, too. I'm glad he's dead, Matt. And I'm glad I'm the one who did it. Whatever the law needs to do with me…well, that's okay."

"Kitty, Ferrin's been wanted—dead or alive—for at least a year. Frankly, I'm surprised no one's killed him before this. No court is going to convict you of any wrong-doing, but I am going to have to file a report. You understand that, don't you?"

She nodded. "Do whatever you have to do, Matt. I'm tired, and I just want this to end." She sagged against him as if too exhausted to sit up on her own.

"It will, Kitty, it will." He took her beautiful face between his hands and tenderly thumbed away the tears that still were glistening on her pale cheeks. "I'm so sorry, honey." He held her, murmuring comforting nothings against her hair. Then, "May I ask you something? It's pretty personal."

"Of course. I have no secrets left."

"Eleanor Rose...was she Cole Yankton's child?"

She nodded. "I didn't know I was pregnant until after he had gone to California. The woman I was working for—and where I was living—she didn't like Cole, and she warned me to stay away from him. But I was young and rebellious, and I would sneak out to be with him. When he left, I started saving my money so I could follow him. Then I found out about the baby." She paused, swallowing hard. "So I took the money I had saved and moved out on my own. I found a little room in a decent part of The Quarter, and I found work dealing faro in one of the smaller gambling parlors. That's where I met Ellie. She and Tucker were already deep into their on again, off again relationship, and she moved in with me. For me, it was kind of like having a sister, and we could both save money. We were doing all right until Tucker showed up again." She blew her nose on his bandana. "After that, everything just went to hell."

She raised her face from his chest, and her eyes searched his, looking for signs of revulsion or censure. But all she saw in those quiet blue depths was the same unfaltering love, the same smoldering desire she had always seen there. She pressed herself tight into the circle of his arms and whispered, "Hold me, Matt. Please, just hold me."

She felt his dark head bend protectively over hers. "Forever, Kitty, forever," he whispered back, sealing his promise with a soft kiss on her trembling lips. When at last they broke apart, he leaned back. "I don't want to leave you alone tonight, but..." He nodded toward the closed door of the spare bedroom where young Thad was sleeping.

"I don't want to be alone, either. It'll be all right." Standing, she held out her hand to him, then looped her arm around his waist and quietly led him toward the room—and the bed—where they had lain and loved for half a dozen years.

The End


End file.
